I lost track of my days...

The Sacred Valley

Today I had a free day with nothing to do. So I decided to head down to the Sacred Valley. It is a whole day event. It involves stopping in 3 different mountain town/Inca ruin areas. Pisac (great silver and textile market and ruins), Ollantaytambo, and Chinchero. I left at 0900 and got home at 1900. It was a long glorious day.

It really left me speechless actually. I don't think any words I write could really do it justice. It was insanely beautiful and majestic. The Andes are breathtaking. Just looking up at them, being near them, you can feel their power and energy.

I am so happy and feel so lucky to have seen what I saw today. And it wasn't just the ruins...the entire bus ride was gorgeous. There were indigenous people meandering through the hillside, making yarn, old men pulling bulls by a leash, little children playing in streams, the clouds, the sun, the rain, the patchwork fields...How many synonyms for beautiful can I come up with? Like I said...words or pictures will never do it justice. ever. come here. if you ever get a chance.

Amazon Woman

The Peruvians tell me that Natasha is the name of the woman of the Amazon..
I am going to the Amazon.Tomorrow. Here is how it all went down....

Orientation for volunteer work: teacher mentions that we can go into jungle to help with the research of medicinal herbs and plants, orchid and animal conservation, and doing medical checks and helping out at local schools. . .

Me at orientation pondering leaving this smoggy, yet beautiful city of Cuzco for the wild, all natural Amazon Jungle: I could stay here and do the medical placement, which I heard is great, but has major setbacks if you can't speak fluent Spanish as far as what you are able to do and how much you can really help. Also I heard from other students that it is fairly disorganized. I also had feelings of just wanting something totally different. When am I ever going to have the chance to go the Manu Reserve in the Amazon Jungle again??? A place you have to get permission to visit, a place where you have to tie yourself onto a rope with all your bags and hang while the pully you across the Amazon River...a place of research, discovery, nature, pure air, jungle sounds, butterflies, monkeys, anacondas, orchids.......amazing energy.

I remember watching movies about scientists deep in the jungle, searching for a cure for cancer...and Jane Goodall advocating for her ape companions. I have always dreamed of doing such amazing things...or even just being there to help in a small way...And who didn't fall in love with Jungle Book as a kid? I highly doubt I'll be finding the cure for cancer, and last time I checked Apes were in the Congo...but this may be as close as I ever get to a childhood fantasy.

Everyday, everything, every thought of my life back home is medical related. Jokes have even become funny only to people that speak the medical terminology... that understand the nuances of health care. I am sick of seeing sick people. I am even more weary of seeing people die in my Emergency Room and in my clinicals. I just want to pretend for a minute that the world is perfect and people aren't mere mortals.

How could I pass this up? I didn't. I leave tomorrow to make my own jungle book.

... Christmas in the jungle....tonight I will have visions of monkeys in my arms, waterfalls, orchids, and pure life dancing in my head. Goodnight. And Feliz Navidad.

Siddhartha

I have been wanting to read this book for a long time now. It was given to me by a friend as a gift earlier this year. I tried to read it in Escalante over Fall Break, but it I just couldn't find time or the attention span.

I almost didn't bring it with me to Peru, but something made me put it in my bag.

On my night bus ride to Puno, I read it in one sitting. I never put it down. Finished.

It's not a big book, but it requires a lot of deep thinking and processing. So it takes longer than you might expect.

I haven't had a book tug at my soul strings like that in a long while. It really resonated with me. Certain things have happened in the past couple of months that have instigated a lot of soul searching. When coupled with my whole life experience thus far, it was really powerful.

I truly believe I was meant to read it at this exact moment. If I had read it before I arrived in Peru, before I experienced certain pain and growing back home, I wouldn't have "gotten" it quite like I did... I am certain I would have really enjoyed it and I would have integrated a lot of ideas and ways of thinking from it... but not have taken it in as deeply into my heart.

So thank you person who gave me the book, who actually is a cause of a lot of the pain and spurred such soul searching (ironic isn't it). I truly believe these things are meant to find you.

And with that said, I know what my next tattoo will be. A lotus flower.

Feel the Power

This Monday night going into Tuesday day @ 0300 there is going to be a full moon, eclipse, and the solstice...and Lake Titicaca is the center of it all. This couple I met traveling were going to the Isla del Sol in Bolivia and said it is supposed to be a really powerful time in the Universe. I wish I could go. I will find a way to see it here in Cuzco. Asked Devin and Jessica if they wanted to try out a Shaman and take Ayahuasca with me. They said they were into it...so...we shall see what happens.

..Days 4-6...

A lot has happened over the past few days... a lot of really good things...(I am writing this more for me than anything else so I remember all the little things that happened that made it such a wonderful trip.)

Thursday- night bus --> Puno (all by myself) read Siddartha in one sitting...amazing book...crap sleep on a bus on top of my backpack so nobody steals anything.

Friday- morning 0400 leave bus station for Hotel Europa... sleep for 3 hrs...eat breakfast on a roof top...window watching...coca leaf tea...coca leaves and bread in my pockets...waiting area with front desk Peruvian man...giant nativity scene...he went through all the figurines and told me their names in Spanish. : ) bus to the port... Boat. Uros Islands--> everything is made out of the straw, including their homes. School kids from Puno found out I was from USA and they all wanted pictures with me. It was weird, but they were cute. One girl said, "You fooiiine" hahahaa... see TV is bad for kids. I got embarrassed and ran in the boat.

Amantani Island--home stay with natives--shared with a Mexican and Korean couple with the cutest baby in the world who was 20 months old. (been traveling all over Peru for a month with him, makes me happy it can be done) My room was very simple, blue color, with big windows, and a giant poster of Jesus. Hike to the top of the island. bought bracelets from a little girl and she kissed me on the cheek. SUNSET. Meet Jefri (Peruvian boy) which led me to meet Evan (Californian studying in Lima), Diego (Argentina), Melissa and her boyfriend Carlinho (Peru, such a cute couple), and another couple. Soccer match against locals. Dinner with host family. Quinoa soup (saw a quinoa plant before they process it) and rice. "Discoteque" live band of native boys playing great music. It was the not so typical yet typical Latin dance party. Beautiful Melissa and her boyfriend dancing...dancing Salsa with Jefrie (only 19 but going to be hot when he gets older), thoughts of getting lost down here and finding a sexy Latin boy to adopt me into his loving, dancing, fun family, and perfect my Spanish. Dressed in locals traditional clothing..children dancing.....everybody...Cusqueno beer...more dancing...happy. no electricity on island. no cars. no dogs. walk back home under the stars and moon. bathroom in dark. sleep.
"estoy cansado, estoy muriendo, estoy feliz" -Jefrie while walking up the mountain, it was very steep, 13000 ft altitude, it became the theme of the rest of our trip.

Saturday- wake up to the sounds of donkeys and roosters. 0630. Breakfast @ 0700. Potato pancakes and muna tea. Meet group at dock.

Boat ride to Tequile Island. -->Run up trail with Evan. altitude 13,000 ft, breathless, Photos with Holga, had to change the film in front of everyone and they thought seeing a film camera was so funny. I had a circle around me watching--Holga newly nicknamed "Inca Camera" because it looks so old by Diego...really funny...crystal clear water...sheeps with collars on leashes... Trout lunch...New friends on top of the boat. SUNSHINE. Jefrie putting too much sunscreen on face (Michael Jackson), Talks with Evan about travels and tattoos, Chess battles---> I won Carlinho twice and then Melissa beat me. Shanaz's Aussie card game (tried but slept on the back of the boat in the sun instead.) Wrote in diary. Carlinho tried to read, but he only kind of knows English, A lot of Spanish practice, cultural exchange of phrases and words.... boat ride to PUNO. ---->me, Shaz, Jefrie, and Evan together in Puno. crammed in tiny, tiny taxi (tuck tuck), plaza, giant Jesus, photos, Contraband Market, taxi to textile market by the port, super cheap hand knitted alpaca hats, socks, gloves, scarves....back to Plaza and Jefrie and Evan's hostel-->card game, meet Melissa, Diego, Carlinho in the Plaza, Chefa dinner (Peruvian version of Chinese food), Coca cola tastes different, wander around streets, stumble onto a giant celebration/parade for a couple that got married..IT WAS HUGE..like 100 ppl if not more in the parade playing instruments and dancing, it was surreal and beautiful, learned that they do this every time someone gets married in Puno. Figured out Shaz is on my same bus that night back to Cusco, Shaz gave Jefrie her Uni sweater from London. 0900 taxi to bus terminal with Shaz, goodbye hugs and kisses, it was sad I really really liked my new friends a lot,
Shaz checked in at the ticket counter and she magically got assigned a seat next to me by pure chance. ; ) helped a nice German couple (Munich), bus, sleep.
0400 arrive back in Cusco, catch a taxi home, help Shaz find her way home. sleep again.

Sunday- woke up late after lots of traveling, sort through pictures. wish I had my other digicams I left at home. : ( taking lots of film pictures though. email check...told mom I am still alive... got invited by my housemates to go eat 4 Sole delicious vegetarian food, I had just eaten lentil and rice for lunch but decided to go. Met Devin. Awesome girl from Vermont currently living in Oregon. Vegetarian place in San Blas was closed. Decided to wander around San Blas which is very beautiful with a lot of little ally ways, Ice cream, found some really great hippie pants, purses, boots (need to go back to purchase), stumbled upon a Christmas play in the main plaza, it was humerous, saw some roasted CUY (guinea pigs whole...with eyes....that look at you), ran into Nic, more wandering, found a killer view of the city thanks to Jessica, took it in, Devin and I split off to hike to the white Jesus even higher up, it was a very steep hike but totally worth it, great conversation (history, life, Albert and Galileo, medicine) overlooking all of Cuzco, sunshine, gorgeous weather, locals enjoying their Sunday with family, lots of perro (dogs), dog eating in a dumpster, "bitch" (strike us down), stairs, playground in the sky, sunset, Plaza de Armas, Red Barn market 2 sole earrings ($0.75), taxi, Shaz is alive! came to visit and turns out is staying right next to where I am staying. Dinner. Best cookie ever. new people are here. Signed up for Rafting for December 26th. Really want to make it to Mancora (beaches.) Pretty sure I am getting my nose pierced again down here. Found a legit tattoo/piercing shop.

Spitalian. day 3

My brain says Espanol! But my mouth speaks Spitaliano..... all of my Italian is cross firing with Spanish. I am thinking about taking Spanish lessons here for the 2 weeks I am planted. It's really cheap and I will be able to use and apply it immediately. I have to decide by Monday.

Went to the market again where they sell stolen, fake, and real goods for cheap. I found the dream pair of Asics I have been waiting for all my life. and they are REAL! real and beautiful. I don't think you understand how long I have been waiting for these shoes. When I saw them... I knew. It was love.

I also found a loyal Peruvian boy that wouldn't leave my side. At first I was annoyed but then he ended up translating a lot for me. He was very persistent...to get my email, number, practice English...and kiss my cheek. He said it's custom to kiss cheeks in Peru and it probably is, but I said, "Not in Canada it isn't". I couldn't give him the slightest bit of false hope. haha...he was harmless.

Now I am waiting for my ride to the terminale---destination Puno. Not excited for a night bus. or more travel, but it's all part of it. I am sure I will be happy after it's all over.

I have most definitely packed all the wrong things. I am the worst packer ever. I will just have to buy things here. For next time bring these things... you ratard:
1-plain hoodie
2-no name brand stuff
3-jeans
4-sneakers
5-chacos
6-more tank tops
7-swim suit (duh!)
8.)scarves
9.)fleece jacket
10)hippie pants (black, cloth, drawstring)
11) more hippie things in general

alive. day 2

Today I got a shower! and it was hot! and glorious.
Found a digicam. 12 megapixels. 5 zoom. Fuji for less than $200.
Bought a really cool poncho/hoodie from a Peruvian lady...it has black and white stripes...very cool. It was 22 Soles..so that is about $9.00.
Walked around. Got my bearings. People watched.
The people are very poor here. I don't think I have ever seen anything like it in my travels before. Maybe close in Panama or Belize... but I think this takes the cake. Something is just different.
Caught a taxi...by myself... this is the thing I have been most nervous for. These guys can take you into the hills and rob/kill you. But I was assured that during the day taxis are safe. The guy who picked me up was an older Peruvian man. He had like a total of 7 teeth. He was very nice. He asked where I was from and I told him Canada. : ) Had a pretty decent conversation in Spanish. I told him I was a nurse and going to work in the hospital here. He understood what I was saying so that was good. We kind of got lost because I am horrible with directions and in my sleep walking yesterday failed to take notice of what my home base surrounding area looks like. Once we found it I knew... but it took a minute.

So with the first solo taxi ride under my belt I am feeling better. I have a night bus ride tonight. I arrive in Puno at 0400 am. From there I go to a Hotel Europa for about 4 hours. Then I head out to the islands where I will be staying the night with the natives and hiking to Inca ruins...maybe seeing a city under the sea.... Should be interesting.

The thing I am most nervous for is catching a taxi from the bus terminale to my house again. I arrive back at 0400 am and will have to take a taxi. I read over and over you shouldn't take a taxi at night. But I was told that if they are inside the terminale you will be fine, and just to not go outside the terminale for a cheaper taxi. I am sure everything will be fine. It's just a tiny bit more scary when you are alone... and this is definitely not Europe folks...not even Eastern Europe.

I feel like I am settling in more. There is definitely a culture shock things that takes getting used to. It's exhilarating though...

I am going to run to the grocery store (Mega) to get water and look for some shoes.

It's so cheap here. I can't believe how little things cost.

yesterday... day 1

Since 0413 yesterday morning until now, my life has been a giant blur. It's probably a combination of jet lag, new crazy place, no sleep, and altitude (11,000 ft). I attempted to stay awake all night in the Lima airport...but it just wasn't happening. I sprawled out on some chairs with my carry-on bags tucked firmly under me and as soon as my head hit my travel pillow... It was over.

Side note about a travel pillow: said travel pillow was acquired in Belgium from a dear friend named Tom at the Rock Werchter music festival. He was Australian. He was cool. It was a surprise pillow. He stuffed it in my bag as we parted ways. 3 years later I am still using the pillow everywhere I go. It has traveled with me to Italy, Slovenia, Switzerland, Hungary, Greece, Latvia, Germany, Lithuania, Estonia, Costa Rica, Panama, and now Peru. It's saved my neck every time, literally, and it's a good memory of a great summer and a good place in life. End side note.

Something short of miraculous woke me up about 20 minutes before my flight was leaving. I looked at the time and had a bit of a panic. I swear I sleep walked to my gate, got yelled at in Spanish, and boarded the plane. Window seat again. Pillow. Head. Sleep. I couldn't keep my eyes open. It felt like 30 lb weights were hanging from my lids. I awoke to a bumpy landing in Cuzco...and clapping. I haven't heard clapping on a plane since Italy. I found my backpack on the luggage carousel shortly after and then luckily my ride. I literally feel like I passed out in Lima and woke up in my bed in Cuzco.

There is some kind of strike going on in the airport...something to do with water rights for Arequipa. So things went a little off plan as far as finding my ride...but a nice man helped me out.

First impressions of Cuzco.... dirty, crowded yet small, poverty, men with guns, lots of dogs, crazy drivers...all the things that make South America great. It's rugged and I like that. I haven't been scared at all. There is nothing to be scared of as long as you are smart and have your wits about you. In America, things are so easy...too easy... I like this.

I am staying in a house full of dorms basically. I am sharing a room with 2 other girls from Australia. They are volunteering as well... They are really nice. I have met mostly Australians and Americans. Which is cool. I was told I have an accent..like a twang/southern accent. It is the Heber in me. That was funny to hear.

Went to the black market today to try to find a digital camera. I have my Holga and my Droid camera and I was thinking that would be enough. However, my film had to be X rayed in Lima...which is supposedly harmful and will ruin photos. I have researched it online and read that it would take multiple passes for it to be noticeable. Which lifted my spirits because I was really looking forward to using my 120 film. Peru is such a mystical place I wanted to capture it in such a medium that really plays that up...like my Holga would. My Droid camera is amazing. However, the battery life is lucky to last a day, and that will not do on the Machu Picchu Trek or Lake Titicaca where I won't be with power for days. So tomorrow my mission in life is to find a digicam and I leave for Lake Titicaca around 6 pm. Hopping on a night bus.

I have taken it easy for most of the day. My phone doesn't text or call. of course.... so I am still trying to figure that out. I have free internet though. So Skype may have to do. I can get one here if I need to, but I like that idea of not having a phone really. I am not feeling altitude sickness really at all...I felt lightheaded and dizzy at first right off the plane, but it's barely noticeable now. I climb up to over 12,000 ft in Lake Titicaca. So we will see. I am going to gnaw on some coca leaves for sure.

Possibly going white water rafting on Sunday when I get back from Puno/Lake Titicaca with my roomie. Been talking about other sorts of adventures with the people here. I definitely don't think I am going to be bored. ever.

I am glad I am here. Ready to explore!

in PERU...transit day

18 (how many hours I have been traveling so far) + 6 (how many hours I have left to endure) = 24 hrs in a car, on a plane, or waiting in an airport. At this very moment, I am sitting in the Lima airport, inhaling sweet aromas of coffee, and thieving internet.
My brand new passport, with a much better picture of myself (I have to mention that because my other one was just so horrible--I was 16 and awkward), has been devirginated. Peru has stamped it's welcome into it's fresh, clean, crisp pages... they say I can stay for 60 days...the thought of a stint in South America is enticing and if I wasn't in nursing school I would just disappear into a new life here.
It has been good travel so far. I had window seats on both flights. Got some good shut eye in. God forbid I am speaking to soon, as I have one more flight to catch to Cusco...but I have already met some nice people. Getting into the Espanol groove of things. All luggage is accounted for. One thing that is driving me crazy because I am so superstitous, in the dumbest way possible, is my encountering of the number 666....twice...I don't even believe in the devil. So why that freaks me out I don't really know. To yin yang that out I have also seen my lucky number several times. so there.

Magic Moments thus far?
1.) sliding up the shade on my airplane window to see the sunset over the ocean high above the clouds...it was the most lovely layering of ocean, clouds, and atmosphere I have ever seen. It took my breath away.
2.)feeling totally independent as I travel alone and kick ass at it
3.)meeting nice people, lunch with Crystal from school, talking about big dreams and the future.... (she was on my first flight--on her way to Belize)
4.)the comfort of sitting in a coffee shop listening to Jazz and Motown (funny considering a conversation I had last night) in Lima airport; since the past 4 months of my life has been studying in coffee shops, this is a sweet taste of home.
5.) realizing I am halfway done with nursing school
6.) watching the shadow of my plane as it landed in Houston
7.)the nicest text messages from my mom and friends ever. I am a lucky loved girl

Bring on the adventure.

virgins

The Morning Benders - Virgins from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

The most glorious of sounds....

comes from here

Thanks Christina #2

The Walkmen - On the Water from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

I can't stop watching this.... I love it how he belts it out at the end.....

My Dad

This is an article about my Dad's business.... my Grandma called me tonight freaking out about it being on the news. pretty freaking cool.
He is making Utah a Green state, and pioneering a new way to store and conserve energy.
I am so proud of him.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13580725

Kid Klimax

Kid Klimax by Atlas Sound (acoustic version)....it's Bradford Cox's (Deerhunter) solo project...

I found out these little tidbits as well.

Atlas Sound is a name Cox has used since he was ten to refer to his own music, but his first full-length produced under the name was Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See but Cannot Feel, released in 2008. Cox's method of creating music is stream-of-consciousness,
and he does not write lyrics in advance.

::risk::

The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
To laugh is to risk appearing to be a fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach out for another is to risk involvement. To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk disappointment. To try is the risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing has nothing ... and knows nothing... and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot lean to feel, change, grow, love, or live.
Chained by their certitudes, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is Free.

...I Go To Sleep To Think That You're Next To Me...

Mandatory Music for Mondays

Oh F*^# yeah! It's Monday.

Growing pains.

I feel like I am in a weird transition phase in my life right now....

I have been fortunate to experience some amazing things and make some incredible new friends the past couple of months. I have really been trying to open myself up ...crawling out of my oh so comfortable cave.
I can be a bit reclusive.
(okay.. a lot reclusive)

It takes a lot for me to let people in.

I have also gone through some seriously sad and difficult
things in the last 6 months too.
I'll spare the details.

I am traveling to Peru very soon....but maybe when I get home I will focus on nurturing the life/family/friends/interests I have here. I have spent a lot of my life searching.... running...traveling....so much so that I have been only skimming the surfaces...

Maybe it's time to stop. Maybe it's all here...now...

"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past." -This is a quote from Into the Wild.... this is me. This is what I do. I run. I leave preemptively before people can leave me. I always have my wall. It's messed up.
I do it with family, friends, and everyone basically...

I know that the only constant thing in life is change...People come and go... things change...life circumstances change...seasons change...jobs change...parents get divorced...cities and places change...people breakup...people grow apart...fall in and out of love...friends change...friends move away... I change... I grow...but for once I just want something to stay still with me...there has to be some stability in life...My whole childhood and life has been adaptation to extreme change...and that's okay because it's made me a really easy going, strong person...
...but I just want something to stay the same....
..Just once..
.maybe nothing stays still because I won't let it.
.....maybe I should just stay still......

The truth of a thing is the feel of it,
not the think of it...

Mandatory Music for Mondays but now falling onto Tuesdays...there should be music everydays as far as I am concerned.

The Microphones "Ocean 1,2,3" a new band I got introduced to the other night.

...It's dark...kind of angry...and beautiful...
...somehow fits my mood and the weather...
....love the video shot with old film...

New dress.

My Plants are Dead

These guys are coming to SLC this Friday!!! Can't wait to go!

Up a Tree

Up a tree with this heart I have; such a sentimental owl.

Here.

Did you ever think that you are exactly where you are supposed to be?

Punchdub

sexiest song application ever!

Where'd you go, when you love your dreams and your days just a breeze
that takes your kite higher...?

-The Bees

The Man.

"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."

Lost in translation

There are at least 250,000 words in the English language. However, to think that English – or any language – could hold enough expression to convey the entirety of the human experience is as arrogant of an assumption as it is naive. Here are a few examples of instances where other languages have found the right word and English simply falls speechless.

1. Toska Russian – Vladmir Nabokov describes it best: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”

2. Mamihlapinatapei Yagan (indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego) – “the wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start” (Altalang.com)

3. Jayus Indonesian – “A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh” (Altalang.com)

4. Iktsuarpok Inuit – “To go outside to check if anyone is coming.” (Altalang.com)

5. Litost Czech – Milan Kundera, author of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, remarked that “As for the meaning of this word, I have looked in vain in other languages for an equivalent, though I find it difficult to imagine how anyone can understand the human soul without it.” The closest definition is a state of agony and torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery.

6. Kyoikumama Japanese – “A mother who relentlessly pushes her children toward academic achievement” (Altalang.com)

7. Tartle Scottish – The act of hestitating while introducing someone because you’ve forgotten their name. (Altalang.com)

8. Ilunga Tshiluba (Southwest Congo) – A word famous for its untranslatability, most professional translators pinpoint it as the stature of a person “who is ready to forgive and forget any first abuse, tolerate it the second time, but never forgive nor tolerate on the third offense.” (Altalang.com)

9. Prozvonit Czech – This word means to call a mobile phone and let it ring once so that the other person will call back, saving the first caller money. In Spanish, the phrase for this is “Dar un toque,” or, “To give a touch.” (Altalang.com)

10. Cafuné Brazilian Portuguese – “The act of tenderly running one’s fingers through someone’s hair.” (Altalang.com)

From Matador

The Moon

In honor of the full moon tomorrow...
and the full moon ceremony that will ensue....

I give to you Cat Power "The Moon"

....:::::Coming up Roses::::.....

School...Christina...woooo!--->barf....Brad Pitt gets global...
softest sweater ever.....Centered City Yoga set to beats...
...Ashley...
...cute boy teaching...
...good energy...
...Gnarls Barkley Crazy...Elton John Rocket Man...
...fun, laughs, smiles....
...bendy, stretchy.....
...zen...sunset...
....strong....happy......
.home.
..hummus....sweet potato chips...salsa....
...Pandora Sufjan Stevens Radio...
Kings of Convenience...
...purple lamp...
...make-out fantasies...

........happy.

What is a CHUD you ask?

	CHUD (Urban Dictionary)
	It means Canibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller and originates from the 1984 film C.H.U.D. But is now used to describe ugly stupid people. Most notably in the Kevin Smith film Clerks 2(2006). The phrase is mostly used in America but is now starting to become popular in the UK. Jamie: Why don't girls like me? Scott: Because you're a fucking chud! Mother: Nurse when can i see my baby? Nurse: Are you sure you want to? Mother: yes of course! why? Nurse: well because your baby is so fucking ugly. It must take after you. You chud.

How to Ask for One More Beer in 50 Languages

How to Ask for One More Beer in 50 Languages

I'm a real nurse!

I am starting to feel more and more like a real nurse and like I am coming into my role as a professional. Something clicked this week for me. I don't know if it was my preceptor or just experience as the semester has progressed (probably a good mixture of both), but I am feeling really good about nursing life. Turn me loose!!!!

My nurse this week let me take total control and I was telling HIM what to do. I totally took the lead. Lab values made sense, patho made sense, disease processes.... the nursing process.....my patients were more critical and my interest level peaked...I get so into the groove it's almost therapeutic rather than anxiety ridden now.

It's just all coming together and making sense!!! That feels sooo good.

I had a friend that has been traveling all over the world for 8 months ask me some medical advice.. I have noticed family and friends asking me more and more about symptoms they may be experiencing as well; it is really cool to really truly step into Nurse Natasha.

Mandatory Music Monday on Tuesday...

Better late then never...A Happy Song "Blangee Blee" Land of Talk.... dig it. The sound quality is sub par, but it's all I could find. It's such a good tune I couldn't resist! This band could be my favorite new treasure!

Sick of the Sick

I have been sick for about a month...give or take a few good feelin' days.... super super tired.......cough....sinus....green goobers... all the fun stuff really. It comes and goes, but this last go around was terrible. I felt aweful. I was on the last pill of my Z pack and BAM!

Decided to prove how crappy student health insurance is and see a doctor...Good news is that I don't have walking pneumonia or mono, and I got some tankers for antibiotics. They make me somewhat dizzy/nauseated, but I have to kick what I have before Peru.

I promise though...if I get feeling better I will never take for granted a healthy, good feeling day ever again. They are so easy to take for granted...things like your health...and this is minor and I can't imagine living with a chronic illness like so many people we take care of in the hospital...

So God, Jebus, or whoever you are. Please let me feel better. I would be so happy.

A to Zen

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

For a really great article about attachment and living in the present moment click this link. It's one of the best I have ever read.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1PPRTt/zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/

Arkansas

"I never feel magic unless I am with you."

I hate dating.

I was sitting at Roasting Company this evening...evesdropping on unsuspecting fellow coffee lovers...doing everything possible not to actually study...

Then I realized the couple next to me were meeting for the first time...sounded like some sort of online setup...you know...like the really super cheesy ones that I vow to never sign up for because it's the last ditch resort and ultimate declaration of desperation...yeah.

They were both fairly attractive for older folk...but the conversation dwindled into awkwardness and persuasive boasting...to be honest, it was just awful to listen to and to think that someday that could be me...

I would still like to believe that love is meant to happen fortuitously, by pure chance encounter, stars aligning.... You just can't force these things...

uhhhhhhhh.....dating blows. period.

good on them for trying though...at least they are trying...it just gets harder and harder to meet quality people... and you really have to put yourself out there.

But I hereby solemnly swear. I will never do an online setup. Ever.

Things that annoy me right now...

1- sayin' "just sayin'" after every sentence...just sayin'
2- the word "FAIL"
3- when people use the word EPIC to describe everything
4- not being able to find the perfect warm coat
5- not being able to sleep at night or wake up in the morning
6- when ppl travel places and only take close ups of themselves being sloppy and you really have no idea where they are or why they bother taking pictures
7- my fridge being empty
8- my baditude

A Little Something to Brighten Your Day...

"Teach me how to use, the love that people say you make.
I am a breathing time machine, break this tired old routine.
I'll take you all for a ride."



Best 15 minutes of your life right? You're welcome!

"I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved. I know that I can give love for a minute, for half an hour, for a day, for a month, but I can give. I am very happy to do that, I want to do that."
-Princess Diana

Last night

Last night I met Jose Jesus...

To love is to suffer.

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen

Mandatory Listening for Monday

Ohhhh shoot it's MONDAY again!!!!
This is Jack White's lady friend...
Karen Elsen "The Ghost Who Walks"
pretty damn good dark country/psychedelic feel

Thanks Christina...

We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.

Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.

-Blaise Pascal

Toxic People...

http://stason.org/articles/life/self-growth/Stay-Away-From-These-Four-Types-of-Toxic-People.html

Someone once told me that you should take notice how you feel after you spend time with someone, and if you feel drained and down instead up uplifted and positive, that person is toxic in your life, and you should probably stay the hell away from them... This article is really good at explaining it.

The Dreamer

i'm just a dreamer but i'm hanging on
though i am nothing big to offer
i watch the birds, how they dive in then gone
it's like nothing in this world's ever still

and i'm just a shadow of your thoughts in me
but sun is setting, shadows growing
a long cast figure will turn into night
it's like nothing in this world ever sleeps

oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird
and why can't that always be
tossing aside from your birches crown
just enough dark to see
how you're the light over me

and by your side, girl, where the acres grow
into the strong and stunning meadow
a cowboy stumbling in the finest field
and nothing good out there won't be old

oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird
and why can't that always be
tossing aside from your birches crown
just enough dark to see
how you're the light over me

-Tallest Man on Earth

Don't let it bring you down

Oh Neil.... you have always been there for me in the worst of times....and your music I swear gets me through the thick of it. And so we meet again................

and Hitchhike Across America

http://www.facebook.com/friends/edit/#!/video/video.php?v=421673951921

Someday I will learn to sail....

Hold Fast from Moxie Marlinspike on Vimeo.

Fog

"ALL MY LIFE, I've been going around in such a fog. You're just a bunch of molecules until you know who you are."
-Cary Grant, 1952

Why Travelers Should Spend Time Instead Of Money

Why Travelers Should Spend Time Instead Of Money

Invite Serendipity...

Donnie Darko

It's amazing how a little perspective on life and over 5 years of living since seeing it for the first time can change how you view an already amazing movie. I LOVE this movie. ALOT.
and what a killer soundtrack...

Cover me up!

The best Neil Young cover ever... on a banjo-uke!?!??!
Ladies and gents....."For the Turnstyles"
Just learned it on my banjo and want to make it this cool.
Who IS this random banjo plucker???
Whoever you are, thank you for the inspiration.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I love tomorrows..
I will take as many tomorrows as I can get.

Mandatory Listening for Monday

"Revenge" by Flaming Lips ft. Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse

Takes me back...
another magic night...
time didn't exist...
a last dance of many last dances...
bittersweet push and pull...
my heart aches...
for a billion reasons...
I'm sorry.

My Death

I have often thought of you death...

when my soul will return.
.........floating...........
...undulating, pulsating...
waves push me closer to the sky,
and gently lay me down
...lovingly...
Igniting a chain reaction,
with every intention and motion of my body,
my arms, my hands, my feet, my toes
shooting stars in the salty sea.
Blinking orbs on the beach,
the watchful eye of the moon.
...a billion burning suns...
Jungle songs and nesting turtles,
in a trance, continuum.
life, music
surrounded
in the darkness of the night,
so ALIVE,
.bright.
a universe inside a universe
infinite
my soul lives here now.

Creation: From Beginning to End

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciation. Homo sapiens manifestation. Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Civilization! Innovation. Exploration. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution. Election. Expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation Proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World conflagration. League of Nations. Suffrage extension. Depression. World conflagration. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. Reunification. Dissolution. World-Wide Web creation. Composition. Extrapolation?

Photo Essay: Uncovering Sacred Spaces Around The World

Photo Essay: Uncovering Sacred Spaces Around The World

For someone I love...

Carl Jung is my homeboy...

Jung's work on himself and his patients convinced him that life has a spiritual purpose beyond material goals. Our main task, he believed, is to discover and fulfill our deep innate potential, much as the acorn contains the potential to become the oak, or the caterpillar to become the butterfly. Based on his study of Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Gnosticism, Taoism, and other traditions, Jung perceived that this journey of transformation, which he called individuation, is at the mystical heart of all religions. It is a journey to meet the self and at the same time to meet the Divine. Unlike Sigmund Freud, Jung thought spiritual experience was essential to our well-being.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Jung
(kind of in love with this guy)

Biggest compliment in my life...

Last night I had my yearly employee evaluation. Things went really well. My boss, Terri, went down on through the list....saying whether I met the expectations or exceed expectations. I got two exceeds expectations or "high met" to get technical (which are really difficult to get). I was really happy about that. It is really validating to work so hard, and feel like it is at least acknowledged and appreciated.

I know my boss likes me alright...I do my job, I am on time, I stay out of trouble... She is very serious when she is on the floor and doesn't show much emotion. She is all business...and I really want her respect, but you definitely have to earn it from her... so when she got to the end of my evaluation where she gets to write in her opinion/comments of us I was completely surprised...

She told me that if she could clone me and my heart she would..and then she started crying and said that I am always so "nice", to everybody, that patients and coworkers love me, and that "who I am will touch lives beyond what I am able to understand"...and that even though I work in the ER, which so often ruins people, makes them cynical...I am still me and it's just who I am inside...and that I haven't lost who I am...and she wishes she could have that sometimes...

But the biggest thing she said to me was that "I was Jane Powers-esque"...

If you don't know who Jane Powers is... well... she is my hero... my nurse hero, my how to treat others hero, and how to live your life hero... Jane is a beautiful, walking, talking, bundle of light and love... her presence is powerful and she makes you feel like you are the most important, special person in the world. She treats EVERYONE (seriously EVERYONE) with so much compassion and love that is blows your mind. People love her. EVERYONE loves her...even people she just meets. she puts people at ease... she is always so POSITIVE...the ultimate optimist..she touches lives everyday just by being her... People look up to her... and people want to be her. She is always happy and smiling...she is always in the present moment... and she is amazing... I have written a paper about her before. she is so influential to me and everyone that knows her... AND SHE IS LIKE THAT EVERYDAY! I have never seen her not being a perfectly lovely human...she runs free medical clinics, she is a true humanitarian, and to even have someone put us in the same category/vicinity as her is probably the biggest, utmost important compliment in my life.

... someday I hope to be just like her...and Dr. Emam....(he is the boy version of Jane) ...even if I could be half of her.... that would be awesome and I would feel like I lived my life right.

If you see her say hello...

Just taught myself this on the banjo... now just need to learn the words and perfect it.

Cotton Jones. i Found it. i love it

Here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just bought my ticket to Cuzco, Peru.....26 nights in South America... a continent I have never been to before...doing some medical volunteering in a clinic, orphanages, and where ever else they may need help. Planning on traveling around as well... climbing Machu Picchu... Lake Titicaca...perhaps some jungle...shamans....It'll be so interesting to see how the locals celebrate the holidays, New Year is going to be tops, and to spend these special times with new friends...
MAGIC!
Total miles traveled =4,699 round trip all by myself!!!
Can't wait for this adventure!!!!

Flowers? For me?!?!?

This is the second time flowers have appeared on my porch.
Not that I am complaining or anything.
: )

60 Things I can't live without...

The other day in class, Ashley passed a note between me and a friend asking him and me what we can't live without... we 3 filled it out...it was humorous...I didn't put much thought into what I had written down, and I have been thinking about it ever since... so here is my updated list in no specific order:

1-hot sauce
2-boys playing guitars...
3-my droid
4-soft lit sexy lamps (like you see all over Poland)
5-banjo
6-rain
7-super soft blankets and pillows
8-helping people
9-adventure/traveling
10- my mountain bike
11-my cameras (Holga, Lomo, Canon, Lumix) and my film
12-MUSIC (finding, sharing, giving, loving, dancing, feeling...)
13-My record player... shopping for vinyl in little, eclectic shops
14-The Alchemist
15-long showers
16-getting your hair shampooed and scalp/neck massaged
17-dark chocolate and peanut butter
18-bourbon and good beer
19-hope
20-sunsets
21- watching airplanes and clouds
22- wild flowers
23- dresses (I would wear a dress everyday if I could)
24- authentic Italian food/Pecorino cheese/gelato/olive oil
25- Backgammon with Millie
26- love...kissing.....passion
27- Oh, The Places You Will Go by Dr. Seuss
28- stars
29- feeling loved.
30- vintage shop hopping
31- beans.... in any form...any kind.. black, pinto, garbanzo...
32- Boots and scarves!
33- Music festivals/concerts/shows
34- deep, meaningful conversations
35- the feeling of driving long distances with music blaring...freedom...
36- cold pizza
37- laughing so hard you cry/being a dork
38- phosphorescence and fire flies
39- riding bikes to Gallivan Shows and Farmer's Market
40- seeing/hearing/feeling the ocean
41- the feeling of buying a plane ticket to somewhere you have never been
42- yoga
43- "the golden hour"
44- the feeling that all is right in the universe just by being and absorbing the beauty around you
45- taking care of really special patients in the hospital and the life lessons I learn from them
46- feeling like you just kicked some serious ass at something difficult
47- Taoism
48- thunder and lightening storms
49- grandma's coffee cake/the smell of coffee
50- my mom's canned salsa, peaches, sweet jalapenos
51- my mom... I love her so much
52- Ebay's show (10am-2pm M-F) on KRCL and just KRCL in general
53- the feeling of a soft new hoodie
54- runners high
55- studying at coffee shops- Blue Star especially
56- sparklers
57-the way you feel after hiking up a mountain and reaching the tippy top
58-... (I am a big ... user in my writing)
59-my passport
60-candles

What did YOU do last night?

I had friends over...we ate home-made pizza...we drank beers and pineapple wine....we lit sparklers on my porch...we played banjo and guitar...and we went to the DRUM BUS!!!! The drum bus goes around to schools so kids get a chance to have music in their lives...it is filled with all kinds of instruments and drums made in Africa by these ladies in a little village. So it's supporting them and all the children in the valley who don't have music programs in their schools anymore. We hijacked it... and we are thinking of hijacking it forever and making friends all over the world with it. Music brings people together.
It was an amazing night with amazing people.
Thank you luvs.

Abuse

Took care of a girl last night that had gotten kicked full force in the ribs by her boyfriend of 5 years who also happened to be a UFC fighter. She was very pretty, tiny little thing. I am sure she could have her pick of other eligible guys....but she stays with this one.....I asked her if it had happened before or if this was the first time. She told me that he has hit her before, but that it's never been this bad as this time. I asked if he was going to be demoted to ex-boyfriend, and she said, "but we have been together for 5 years!"

When in God's name did the length of time you have been in a relationship with someone qualify you for continuing to stay with that person, even if the relationship isn't healthy or good for you???

Why do girls put up with so much bullshit from guys? They are just guys!?! Nothing special. Why do girls suffer so much to be with one guy? We give and give and give... and get cheated on, lied to, talked down to in return.

Are we really that afraid to be alone? I used to be...and I got out of a marriage that wasn't right...I got a divorce. Whoopty doo... 1/2 of America is doing it...it really sucked... and then life goes on... and now I love being single. I love my life more than I ever have... and I thank God every day I am still not in that relationship...it brought out the worst in me..even though I hurt my ex, and all families involved, and myself....I am really thankful for where I am today. I have traveled all over the world, earned 2 Bachelors degrees, grown so much as a person, grew into the person I wanted to be....and the doors keep opening to the future and I can walk through worry free, without getting crap from anyone else. If I had stayed all I see is a dark cloud over my life....me living for someone else...convincing myself I am happy because I don't' know anything different and I am too scared...the most haunting thing is that I envisioned myself as an old woman with a lot of regrets...and I wish I would have's...then you stay married for so long and have kids..you can get to a point where you are stuck....it's eerie but while you are in it you can't see it!!! That's what is even creepier!

Abuse doesn't have to be purely physical. It can be someone making you feel like shit over the smallest things, someone who holds you back, that makes you feel guilty for living your dreams, that beats you down and gets you so insecure so you will never leave, someone blatantly lying to your face, continuing to lie, someone who always puts his own wants and needs first, someone who doesn't respect you....or treat you with respect. Why would anyone want to stay in a relationship like that? I don't get it.

I get being alone is scary, it's scaring dating again, it's just scary...but everything always works out and life goes on... and usually you grow as a human being in leaps and bounds....and who you are blossoms into this lovely person without any hint of codependency or dependency on another boy for your identity.

Nothing is more pathetic to me than a girl who likes everything her partner likes, does only the things her partner does, doesn't have own opinions, and basically loses all the things that make her her own beautiful person. Every sentence begins with, "Me and ________ do this or think this...." What about YOU!!?!?!? WHo are you!? Guys don't find that attractive either... Even if he is the fill in the blank. It's crazy to me that we let guys do that to us.

Relationships take effort... I get it... But if they are really THAT difficult and complicated and blah blah blah... maybe you are in the wrong relationship. Wake up!

There are people who identify with struggling and being unhappy... they act like they are victims to circumstance when they have created everything in their life. And then they dwell on it for years... wait for some grandiose revelation about things that never comes...when they should just make a choice to change their attitude and be happy NOW...get rid of all the bad people and shit in their lives... and move on to the life they want. the NOW is all we have and all that matters...you fix the NOW you fix the future...

I think I made my point. Had to vent..... The End.