Growing pains.

I feel like I am in a weird transition phase in my life right now....

I have been fortunate to experience some amazing things and make some incredible new friends the past couple of months. I have really been trying to open myself up ...crawling out of my oh so comfortable cave.
I can be a bit reclusive.
(okay.. a lot reclusive)

It takes a lot for me to let people in.

I have also gone through some seriously sad and difficult
things in the last 6 months too.
I'll spare the details.

I am traveling to Peru very soon....but maybe when I get home I will focus on nurturing the life/family/friends/interests I have here. I have spent a lot of my life searching.... running...traveling....so much so that I have been only skimming the surfaces...

Maybe it's time to stop. Maybe it's all here...now...

"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past." -This is a quote from Into the Wild.... this is me. This is what I do. I run. I leave preemptively before people can leave me. I always have my wall. It's messed up.
I do it with family, friends, and everyone basically...

I know that the only constant thing in life is change...People come and go... things change...life circumstances change...seasons change...jobs change...parents get divorced...cities and places change...people breakup...people grow apart...fall in and out of love...friends change...friends move away... I change... I grow...but for once I just want something to stay still with me...there has to be some stability in life...My whole childhood and life has been adaptation to extreme change...and that's okay because it's made me a really easy going, strong person...
...but I just want something to stay the same....
..Just once..
.maybe nothing stays still because I won't let it.
.....maybe I should just stay still......